In case you haven't picked up a newspaper lately, or watched any non-fiction TV that doesn't have the word "Jersey" in it, let me sum up a few of the most popular news stories for you:
For those of you who advocate the second amendment (that's the right to bear arms if you're not up to date on the U.S. constitution), worry not. Sarah Palin is fighting your battles for you at the Safari Club convention. That's right, she's rallying a bunch of people in ankle-length fur coats and necklaces made of exotic teeth to take up their semi-automatic weapons, fly to a foreign country, hop in a humvee, and shoot a bunch of animals, not for the purpose of feeding their families, but for creating a zoo of death in their basements. What, Grandma didn't have a recipe for leopard stew?
Good luck convincing Capitol Hill to loosen gun laws with this crack team representing you.
http://www.newsweek.com/2011/01/30/sarah-palin-s-gun-control-warnings-at-safari-club-international.html
Hate gay people? Eat at Chick Fil-A!
Or at least that's how some people have been interpreting this chicken chain's business practices. Apparently they run a foundation called WinShape that helps married couples maintain healthy marriages. They claimed that the curriculum taught on the retreats is aimed at heterosexual couples, which caused people to infer that Chick Fil-A bans gay couples from the counseling. But, according to the following article, that's untrue. Still, they play Christian music in some of their stores. That's enough to make any non-Christian uncomfortable. You know what they say, don't pray where you eat. Wait, "pray" is not the word I'm looking for...
http://www.ajc.com/business/chick-fil-a-counters-821566.html
Here's some breaking news: Someone bought the first-ever map of the US for $1.8 million. Great investment, buddy. A map that shows Virginia stretching from the Chesapeake to the Ohio River. Don't give away your GPS just yet.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/01/30/AR2011013003337.html
Apparently if you want to sell drugs legally, all you have to do is disguise them as bath salts. Great job, DEA. Nothing gets past you. Fifty dollars for a tiny packet of aromatherapy. That's not suspicious at all.
-Gee, honey, little Petey sure has been taking a lot of baths lately.
-Oh, well, he's getting to that age where hygiene matters.
Actually, he's addicted to meth.
http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/01/30/us-drugs-bathsalts-idINTRE70T3PR20110130
Next thing you know, they'll be selling medical marijuana under the guise of a soft drink. Oh wait...
http://gizmodo.com/5746723/canna-cola-a-soda-spiked-with-marijuana
No Christians or big-game hunters were harmed in the making of this blog.
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