If I had a million dollars...

I would save it, because apparently there is nothing worth buying these days. Let's take a look at some of the popular items for sale right now:

The Shakeweight: Seriously? One, it makes you look like a complete idiot. And two, just go lift a real weight.
"Weights are expensive, though!"
Lift a jug of water.

The Snuggie: It's a bathrobe on backwards. Don't have a bathrobe? Cut two holes in a blanket. Boom. Sleeves.

Pajama Jeans: If your pants are so uncomfortable that you feel like you have to line them with fleece just to leave the house in the morning, you have bigger problems. Not to mention, they only come in one color. If these hybrid pants actually become popular, every woman will be wearing the same exact jeans. How will we tell people apart?

Here's a little gadget I found on asseenontv.com (that's As Seen, not Ass Een), called the Watch Phone. Confused by the overwhelmingly creative name, you ask, "What is this thing?" Well, it's a watch in which you can insert your SIM card (sorry, Verizon), and it becomes, well, a phone. Now, people who are really attracted to this idea will conjure up images of James Bond and think, "Oh yes! I can buy this and be like a really cool spy." Except for the fact that you will stick out like a sore thumb when people see you having a conversation with your watch. Mission abort.

There is a good side to this, though. If you were thinking about inventing something but figured no one would ever buy anything as weird as what you created in your bizarre little mind, think again! Because apparently people will buy just about anything.